Solitude
by amUous
Summary: I have no idea how to summerize this. It's Bella's memories and present actions written to the poem Solitude.If that caught your attention R&R if not just check it out see if the first sentences catch your attention.


**Hello...so this is a oneshot that sort of came to me when I read this poem. Solitude...by Ella Wheeler Wilcox...I think it's by her I am not completly sure. But yeah...I'm not sure how good this is, I wrote it and thought might as well post it. **

**Bold is lines from the poem.**

_Italics is past. Bella remembering things._

Normal is the present. Which in this case is after Edward leaves Bella.

**So read and review. Tell me what you think. And if you see any mistakes.**

**I don't own twilight.**

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Laugh and the world laughs with you;

_Bella laughed as she watched Emmett throw a water balloon at Rosalie, who stood soaking and glared at Emmett. Alice laughed along with him and Bella giggled as Rosalie turned her glare to her. _

_Rosalie grabbed a water balloon. She looked from Emmett to Alice, a grin on her face, and a mischievous glint in her eye._

_Bella was laughing too hard to notice the look the trio of vampires exchanged with each other. When she finally looked up at them, she was face to face with three vampires, each holding a water balloon ready to throw._

_At her._

"_No," Bella said shaking her head as she backed away. _

_She raised her own water balloon at them._

_It was pointless ,she knew she was outmatched._

_The vampires matched each step she took backwards with one of their own forward._

"_Guys no!" Bella said, but she was having trouble not laughing, "It's not even fair!"_

_Bella laughed as Emmett waggled his eyebrows and Alice grinned wickedly. Rosalie just kept moving forward slowly._

_Bella kept backing up facing the trio of vampires until she bumped into someone._

_She thought it might be Jasper, who had changed his mind and would join their game._

"_What's going on?" Edward said, worried._

_Bella sighed, annoyed that he was interrupting her fun. She knew if she turned to face Edward he would be glaring at the trio in front of her for 'playing roughly with poor human Bella'. _

_He never let her have fun with his family. He was part of the reason Jasper dint join their games._

_Bella bit her lip and watched her three friends, Emmett and Alice looked back at her with guilty faces, they were the ones affected by Edward's chastising stare. _

_Rosalie, was glaring at Edward._

_Bella caught her eye and grinned, Rosalie was confused for a second, then she grinned back. She nudged Emmett on the elbow and glanced at Alice who was already smiling._

_Bella turned to face Edward. She was right, he was glaring, she poked him and he instantly turned to her. She waved and giggled. _

"_Water balloon?" Bella said offering him her water balloon._

_Edward shook his head and Bella sighed as she shrugged her shoulders._

"_Suit yourself," She said and ducked._

_Bella laughed as she heard Emmett, Rosalie and Alice throw their water balloons at Edward in rapid succession. Since she had ducked right in front of him she got wet too, but she didn't care. She loved the look on Edward's face as he stormed into the house._

_Bella was catching her breath on the floor when she felt Emmett pull her up, he high fived her and Alice hugged her._

_Rosalie stared at Bella and Alice for a second, before raising a hand in the air, Bella smiled as she high fived Rosalie. Then she threw her water balloon at Emmett, starting the fight all over again._

**Weep and you weep alone; For the sad old Earth must borrow its mirth, But has trouble enough of its own.**

Bella held her photo Album tightly, she was tired of looking through it, expecting to find a picture Edward may have left behind. She just wanted one picture to look at, proof that her family had been there. But as she looked at it again all she saw were the empty spaces.

Edward had left, and he took everything with him.

It really was as if they had never existed. He made sure of that. Any physical evidence of their presence was gone. Except their house, but Bella couldn't bring herself to go there. Not yet.

She sighed and set the photo album down on her desk. She laid in bed and looked at the alarm clock.

Nearly midnight, her eyes went to the open window, then they moved around the room.

Empty.

A dry sob broke the silence, Bella held her breath, hoping to keep the tears away.

A drop fell on her hand, Bella stared at it, her vision beginning to blur and she let out her breath.

She let the tears flow, the breeze from the window cooling them as they fell.

_**Sing and the hills will answer;**_

"_Guys where are you?" Bella walked around through a clearing and looked around, trying to play close attention to any disturbances in the wildlife._

_She sighed , she wasn't exactly sure where she was. It took them an hour to get here, and at vampire speed, that was pretty far from home. _

"_Guy! It's not fair!"_

"_You always say that when we play Bells. Does that mean you don't want to play with us anymore? Do wanna go to your boyfriend?"_

_Bella turned around. Emmett was behind her with the saddest look on his face._

"_It's not that Em, it's just you guys get to your hiding spot faster. It could take me minutes if not hours to go look for you."_

_Emmett chuckled, a loud sound that echoed through the trees._

"_We know __**that**__. Were all hiding within ten to twenty feet of the edge of the trees. It's just that you stink at hide and seek."_

_Bella frowned and Emmett let another booming laugh out, this one was loud enough to scare some birds._

_Bella grinned and poked Emmett, "Well I got you out here didn't I? So I'm not the one that stinks at hide and seek."_

_Emmett narrowed his eyes Bella and then he sat on the ground. _

_Bella laughed and Emmett stuck his tongue out at her._

"_That's what you get Emmett, what kind of person falls for a trick like that?"_

_Bella watched as Alice leaned out from behind a tree. Emmett grinned._

"_You apparently," Emmett said._

_Alice's eyes widened and she looked at Bella before turning and running, at human speed of course._

_Bella gave chase and tackled the small vampire._

_Alice giggled, "Two down, one to go."_

_Bella walked with Alice back to Emmett before she began searching the woods for Rosalie. It took her half an hour to find her._

_Bella was about to give up when she heard a branch rustle over her. She looked up and saw Rosalie looking down at her. Bella smiled and began to climb the tree, being the clumsy human she was, she slipped halfway to Rosalie. To her surprise, Rosalie caught her._

_Alice and Emmett ran to them, both cracked up in laughter when they saw Rosalie holding Bella bridal style. _

_Bella blushed, and the laughing only increased. _

**Sigh, its lost in the air; The echoes bound to a joyful sound, But shrink from voicing care.**

Bella sat in front of the Cullen's house.

It had taken a lot of thinking on her part, she didn't want any added pain at seeing the empty house. But in the end, she had convinced herself to come here. Mostly because she couldn't bear to be at home, partly to make sure the house was really empty and her family wasn't just hiding.

Bella scoffed at herself.

She really couldn't call them her family anymore could she?

They left, family doesn't do that.

Bella played with the grass at her feet, it was too silent, it was disturbing.

All the happy sounds she had heard while she was present were ghosts in her head now. Distant memories.

Fake.

**Rejoice, and men will seek you;**

_Bella made her way to her truck, ready to head home. It was sunny out so the Cullen's would be in their house. Bella would go over later that day._

"_Hey, ah , Bella. You have a second?"_

_Bella slowed down and nodded her head. Mike walked up to her._

"_Um, I was wondering if you'd want to go to the movies this weekend?" Mike said looking at Bella hopeful._

_Bella shook her head, "Mike I have a boyfriend."_

_Mike blushed and nodded._

"_Yeah yeah. Um what about La push then?...With all of us?"_

_Bella thought about it for a second, but nodded._

_Mike smiled._

"_Ok. Bye."_

_Before Bella knew anything was happening, Mike leaned forward and pecked her on the cheek. He walked away fast after that._

_Bella sighed and shook her head, she would have to have a serious chat with Mike at La Push._

_Mike looked at his feet after Bella had finished speaking. _

"_Ok sorry."_

_Bella sighed, "You know Jess is interested in you."_

_Mike looked up, shocked and a bit of hope in his eyes, "Really?"_

_Bella nodded and motioned for him to go with her. He did. He ran towards the bon fire and joined the rest of their friends._

_Bella stared out at the ocean and sighed, well that had been dealt with._

" _Hey Bells."_

_Crap_

_Bella turned and looked at Jake._

**Grieve, and they turn and go; They want full measure of all of your pleasure, But they do not need your woe.**

"Bella really, can't you at least act happy?"

Bella sighed and smiled. Jake shook his head.

"It's been months Bella, you should be over him. Over _them_. You can't just come to me as a side thing. I want to be the reason you come to La Push, me. I don't want you coming here cause you dram about him again."

Bella nodded and stood up.

"Sorry Jake."

Bella walked out of Jake's house and got into her truck.

He didn't follow.

**Be glad and your friends are many;**

_Bella sat at the lunch table, her friends had brought her a cake for her birthday. They were all huddled around her poised for a picture. Bella was facing the Cullen's table and she glanced at them._

_Everyone was smiling at her. Except Edward, who was glaring, maybe because Mike had his arm around her. Maybe he was being an ass. Bella didn't care. She looked at the camera and smiled. _

_Afterwards they all dug into the cake. It was delicious, chocolate, her favorite._

_Bella spent the whole lunch hour with her friends. They laughed and joked and Bella felt so relaxed with them. Before lunch ended everyone had handed her a birthday card. Bella smiled as she read each and hugged everyone that was there. She noticed the glare Edward sent in her direction when she hugged the boys but Bella ignored it. It was her little birthday gathering and she would not let him ruin it. Especially not since she knew what Alice was planning._

_Speaking of Alice the shorter girl had stood up and was walking towards them just as the bell rang._

"_I have something for you."_

_Bella shook her head, "I said no presents."_

_The rest of her friends had already left and the cafeteria was emptying out fast. Edward lingered by the doors waiting._

"_Technically it isn't your birthday today, so it's not a birthday present."_

_Bella crossed her hands over her chest and watched as Alice toyed with her necklace._

_Bella had always loved the necklace. It was a silver heart shaped locket, with a single ruby stone in the middle._

"_I didn't wrap it, I wasn't sure you would accept it if I did."_

_Alice looked away from Bella, she glanced at Edward and sighed, she turned back to Bella and, extended her hand. _

_Bella reached out with an open palm, only to have Alice pull her forward and wrap her arms around her neck._

"_I love you Bella, never forget that."_

_Bella stood stunned, she watched Alice as she moved away, ready to speak but Edward was by her side._

"_We're late."_

_Bella looked between Edward and Alice. Something had happened. What had she missed?_

_Alice walked away and Bella watched her leave. As she did she played with the necklace on around her neck. _

_Bella looked down startled, there was a locket around her neck, identical to Alice's except that the stone was blue._

_Bella looked up to see Alice watching her from the window._

_Bella smiled but turned to go with Edward._

**Be sad and you lose them all,- There are none to decline your nectared wine, But alone you must drink life's gall.**

Bella sat on a fallen log on the beach. She could see her friends over near the fire, she had come at their request, but she was not in the mood for a party. She was not in any mood to celebrate. They were trying to do good, but they didn't mean it. Angela did, she came over to try and talk, but Bella could not talk with her. She didn't dare tell Angela _why _she was hurting. The school was already full of rumors of what had happened to make Edward and his family leave. If she told anyone why she was sad. Why she couldn't get over their departure, they would go crazy with gossip.

She didn't care about that of course, but if she said anything to anyone, then _SHE_ would see. And the secret would be out.

Bella took out a bottle from under her jacket. One of Charlie's old bottles. Probably from when Renee had left him. It had been in the hallway closet. Dusty and forgotten, Bella didn't think Charlie ever actually opened it. But she broke the seal now, and drank slowly, cherishing the warmth that radiated from her stomach.

Bella heard her friends cheering at something, she sighed, gripping the bottle, and stared at the ocean as the sky darkened.

**Feast, and your halls are crowded;**

_Bella smiled as the Cullen's walked into her house, Alice was at her side jumping from foot to foot, Charlie stood at the doorway welcoming his guests awkwardly. Bella smiled, she knew Charlie never had anyone but Billy over and he probably felt uncomfortable with so many people in his house._

"_This way!" Alice said and danced to the sliding glass doors that led outside._

_There was one long table set up, full of food. _

_The Cullens looked at it with disgust and Alice giggled. She had chosen food that her whole family agreed stayed down longer. There were a lot of vegetables, Alice said those stayed in their stomachs for hours before they felt the need to purge them. It was chemically processed foods their stomachs had more trouble with. _

_Bella smiled as everyone sat down. Charlie was already in deep conversation with Esme and Carlisle. Rosalie was playing with her food, and making Emmett eat his. Edward was sitting still watching everyone and Bella tried hard to ignore his glare._

_Alice sat in between her and Jasper. He was eating his vegetables with amusement in his face. He caught Bella staring and smiled._

"_I see why children refuse to eat their vegetables," Jasper said and winked at Bella._

_Bella smiled, she was happy to see Jasper comfortable, he hardly ever participated in any activity or gathering that involved her._

_Bella caught Alice staring at her neck and Bella smiled holding up her locket. She opened it to show that she had a picture of Alice in it. Alice's face lit up._

_Bella smiled and sighed contently._

_This was her family._

**Fast, and the world goes by.**

Bella watched Charlie as he finished his dinner. She waited patiently for him and cleared the table once he had eaten.

Charlie watched her.

"You hardly ate today Bella."

Bella sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "I'm not very hungry dad."

Charlie frowned, "That isn't healthy. You know that."

Bella turned two sad eyes to her father. She knew that, she was starting to feel weaker every passing day. She had even fainted a couple times the last couple nights. But she was ok with it, she passed out for hours and then she was so tired she had to go to sleep. Her days flew by, one melted into another and she liked it better that way.

Charlie's concerned brown eyes looked up at her and Bella sighed. She took a bowl of cereal and sat down in front of Charlie eating it slowly.

Charlie smiled and walked away. Bella went to her room, she was tired and she lay in bed.

She was asleep in a matter of seconds.

**Succeed and give, and it helps you live,**

"_Bella, you shouldn't be doing this."_

_Bella held her wrist out defiantly._

_Alice looked at it and licked her lips._

"_I want to."_

"_But Edward," Alice started, but she couldn't finish her sentence, Bella put her wrist up to her mouth._

"_He won't find out. Come on Alice, you said you would turn me if Edward didn't. He's been acting distant. Consider this as your training."_

_Alice shook her head but she leaned into Bella's wrist. She ran her mouth slowly following the veins._

"_I don't want to hurt you."_

_Bella smiled, "You won't. I trust you."_

_Alice sighed and licked at Bella's wrist._

"_Bite and take the venom out. Just a few seconds," Alice said._

_Bella nodded, "Just so you taste it. You are already used to the smell of it. Now it's just the taste you have to deal with."_

_Alice bit and Bella held her breath._

_There was the familiar burn, for a second, then it receded and she saw Alice gulp._

_Alice began growling and Bella knew that there was a possibility she'd lose control. Bella knew this would happen, not that she didn't trust Alice, but it was her nature._

_Instead of running Bella leaned in closer and pecked Alice on the cheek. _

_Alice stopped and looked at Bella._

_Bella was shocked to see Alice's eyes were pitch black. Alice looked ashamed of herself and Bella saw guilt wash over Alice's features. _

_Bella smiled and wrinkled her nose. _

"_You're a messy eater."_

_Alice's eyes went wide and then she took in Bella's expression and laughed._

_Bella smiled and wrapped her wrist. Alice had not lost control. Alice could change her._

_No matter what Edward chose. _

_Bella __**would**__ be changed. She would have her family, forever._

_She would have Alice forever._

**But no man can help you die.**

Bella sighed as she stood on the cliff. The ocean seemed so angry, the sky indifferent. What did it care if she jumped?

If she dies.

The sky of course didn't, Bella knew that, but it was so grey, no chance of sunlight to help her.

The ocean was crashing its wave's into the cliff, as if encouraging her to jump.

Bella sighed, what other alternative was there?

Stand here and die, continue dying every day, walking among the living, dead inside.

Jump and drown.

Dead for real, ending all the pain, forever.

Stay and carry her pain, forever.

There was howling in the distance. Bella bit her lips, they would be too late no matter what she chose.

Bella heard steps behind her, howls getting closer.

She leaned forward.

Bella felt fingers grace her neck, but they just grabbed her necklace. Bella sighed, she wouldn't even be able to die with Alice's gift.

This was the end, she might as well let the cat out of the bag.

"Alice," Bella said as the waves grew nearer, "I love you."

As Bella fell she closed her eyes, bringing Alice's face to her mind.

**There is room in the halls of pleasure For a long and lordly train,**

"_I don't know how I ever lived without you Bella," Alice said._

_Her laugh filled the empty Cullen house. Everyone was out hunting. Bella noticed they all hunted twice or three times as much as Alice did. Alice didn't seem to need to feed as often as her family, therefore she was always left with Bella._

_Alice liked that very much and took advantage of every second she could spend alone with Bella._

_Bella smiled at Alice's comment._

"_Bored probably, you had no doll to dress up," Bella stated._

_She was sitting in front of Alice's mirror, waiting for the start of a long night with Alice fussing over her. She was overjoyed with the idea._

_Alice chuckled, "There are plenty of dolls out there."_

"_You've played dress up with other humans? Here I thought I was special."_

_Alice brushed Bella's hair and nodded, she looked at Bella in the mirror._

"_You are special."_

**But one by one we must all file on Through the narrow aisles of pain.**

There was an eerie silence as everyone stood to leave the cemetery. Everyone passed by Charlie and Renee with bowed heads. They passed by the Cullens with cold glares.

The Cullens stood unmoving and stared at Bella's grave.

"You should have seen this. I could have stopped it."

Edward's whisper filled her ears and anger welled up inside her.

Alice shrugged, "The wolves were involved I didn't see anything."

Edward began growling and the anger inside her grew, it twisted in her stomach and rose to her unbeating heart.

"Besides you were too busy with Tanya to be bothered by anything. You could have done nothing."

The anger turned to rage and it boiled beneath her skin, ready to erupt.

Alice walked away from her family.

Jasper eyed her sadly and he turned to leave, the rest of the family followed. Edward lingered, but in the end he too left.

Like he had left before.

Alice walked past the rows of chairs. She walked alone to Bella's grave and ran her fingers on the marble.

She never thought Bella would be buried underground. It did not seem like a fitting resting place for a girl as beautiful as Bella.

It didn't make it easier to know that her body was somewhere in the ocean either.

Her body wasn't found, it was probably carried by the currents somewhere.

Maybe there she would be in peace.

Alice placed a necklace on the grave and she sobbed.

The locket had been found on the cliff. By the wolves. Jake had been reluctant to hand it over, but Alice was very convincing.

No one denied her right to the locket after she fought their entire pack for it.

"I love you too Bella. I always have," Alice put her head down on the gravestone, "I always will."

The rage had subsided, and now sadness overwhelmed her. And love, so much love at the memories that flooded her mind.

And now that those words were out in the open. Now that that truth had been spoken, forever wasn't full of pain. Forever was full with the promise of happiness.

Alice heard footsteps behind her, she thought it might be Jasper or Emmett trying to make her go with them, but the steps were too light. Maybe Esme would try and convince her, or Rosalie drag her back.

Alice clung to the gravestone and shook her head. Her shoulders were still heaving with dry sobs.

Red eyes regarded Alice's shaking body quietly for several minutes. Contemplating how to start.

The rage in her had left with Edward's departure, let him have Tanya, what did she care when she had Alice.

This life had been meant to be a curse, a punishment. But now that Alice was here, there was no punishment.

Bella only wished she had let Victoria live. Just to see the look on her face when she saw her plan hadn't worked.

She stood unmoving as Alice held on to the stone, and Bella smiled.

"You know, that cold slab of marble can't hug you back."

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**So then...how was it? Bleh/ok? Review and tell me. Thats all you can put bleh or ok. I just need to know. Thanks^_^**


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